According to wikipedia, 82% of women between the ages of 40 and 44 are mothers in the U.S. I am 41, and not a mother. I don't plan on having children. It wasn't something I consciously thought about; my life just sort of happened that way. And, I am perfectly fine with it. I have animals and nephews that allow me to 'take care' of them.
The fact that I am not a mom doesn't enter my consciousness much, but once in awhile at our monthly dinners, I feel like I don't belong. I would say that our monthly club matches pretty closely to the 82% of the nation. Sometimes, I just feel overwhelmed by talk of kids, schools, pregnancy, etc. There is absolutely nothing I can offer in the way of experience to these conversations.
It's weird how time shifts and lives change. We've been doing these dinners (before dinners, we had bunko night) for over 10 years. When we started, I think only one person had a child. Through the years, there have been many weddings and births. Lives have completely changed for people.
Not for me. Everything in my life is pretty much the same.
So, when conversations focus on kids, kids, and then kids, I feel left out. Is left out the right word? I think I actually feel frustrated.
But, is it fair for me to feel frustrated? At a dinner of 8 to 10 women, people can talk about whatever the hell they want, right? Right. And with most of the women having a common link: being a mother, conversations will naturally veer towards the common link.
It's just weird being in the minority now when I did not make any changes in my life; by remaining the same, I became different.
To this I say from the bottom of my heart...."I know exactly how you feel."
ReplyDeleteNat...I understand what you are saying, but I look it as on the reverse side there are times that I'm sure our friends with babies think about the carefree days and are envious at times of your life...I have a close relationship with my nieces/nephews that I know you better be 200% ready for motherhood...
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. maybe you should invite more people that are in the minority with you. Ahhemmm!!
ReplyDeleteVery well written and I completely understand what you are saying and by all means I do not want to make anyone feel left out. I try to make an effort to curb my conversation about kids but I guess it has been more difficult over the last year with the loss of my career - they (boys) have become my full time job. To what Jodee said I am super jealous of the vacations you take, the dinners and movies you go to casually by not having to move schedules to make it happen and oh how I miss the sleeping in.
ReplyDeleteI love my daughter, but do miss the non-scheduled nights out after work, movies and sleeping until whenever. For me it has only been 1 year and I wonder why all the conversation about children, we use to spend many dinners talking about who knows what.
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