My grandfather was actually in the Battle of the Bulge in Dubya Dubya II. He passed away last November, just a month or so shy of 90.
My father passed away last January, 32 years to the day that his father, my other grandfather passed away. My dad was 66. He died very suddenly and unexpectedly. And it has turned my world upside down.
I've gained 30 pounds since my dad died. You hear about those people who waste away to nothing because of grief, and of course, I am not one of those people. I'm the other kind, dammit. DAMMIT.
I was already 20 pounds or so overweight before my dad passed. That means that I am 50 pounds or so overweight. 50. 50! 50?! (I can't believe I just wrote that for the world to see. Then again, if you see the size of my bum, it's kind of well, umm, obvious.)
I've tried the diet plans. The ones that ship the food to your home. Yeah, that is fine and dandy, but when I follow up their meal with an entire sleeve of Thin Mints, I'm thinking I may not be successful. I go to the gym often, but 'they' say that your diet is a lot more of the equation to weight loss than working out. Figures.
My friend, Beth, just posted this about a book (Woman Food and God) about diets. Beth sums up the book quite nicely: Her message is simple, really: that we need to live in the present moment, that we need to be aware of ourselves and what we need and we need to feel what we truly feel. I'm going to have to read that book.
But here's the thing, I don't want to feel the pain and the grief. I prefer to shake (literally) the thoughts that my dad is really dead out of my head when they enter.
Well, that way of dealing isn't quite working, obviously. Time to reassess and make some changes.
* I just want the fat and grief to melt away like that snow on my terrace table.
