I was showing too much skin

So I ordered these hot new sandals and I kept them for months before I had to do the inevitable and send them back.

The problem?  These sandals were showing entirely too much skin.  I know what you're thinking.  The point of sandals IS to show off a lot of skin.  Yeah but, I have a middle toe the length of a football field.

I've always hated my feet.  But this year, I thought, c'mon Nat, you're 41 years old, get over it, wear sandals for pete's sake.  So, I ordered those sexy sandals and tried them on.  They felt great and looked great.  But that damn middle toe.  It just goes on for days.

I've heard the saying that a long middle toe means you're really smart.  I don't buy it.  That's the same as saying rain on your wedding day is lucky.  Really, what you are saying is:  awww man, you're screwed that it's raining so bad on the day you've been planning for a year, and, MAN, is that toe looonnnngggg and ugly, you freak.

I walk into a room, and my middle toe has already sat down, had a glass of wine, and is eating appetizers.  My middle toe gets to the party way before I do.

It's been almost two years since I've gotten a pedicure.  I always presumed that pedicures make your feet look better.  If you have ugly toes, painting them red is only going to bring attention to the said ugly toes.

I remember growing up and my brother and I would bury our toes in the sand when we went to the beach.  We both hated our feet.  My brother now wears sandals.  He is so 'over it'.  Good for him.  More power to him. 

As for me?  No sandals yet again this year.