Thursday, July 1, 2010

the break-up

I’ve decided to break-up with my bathroom scale. I have been very faithful in our relationship, but I feel I’ve been giving more than I’ve been receiving, and it’s time to move on.

I have been a Friday morning devotee to the scale. I wake-up, go to the bathroom (if you know what I mean), do not drink even a sip of water or breathe any air (if I breathe, I might weigh more when I step on the scale) and I get on the scale buck naked. I’ve “weighed in” for years every Friday morning. Like I said, I’m very faithful in my relationships.

So, here’s the problem:

If I’ve gained any weight, it totally funks up my day and mood. I’m all like, “Fukc it, I gained weight despite eating cottage cheese and sweating my ass off in spin class and piyo (a pilates/yoga fusion) so I might as well eat whatever the hell I feel like, cuz NOTHING is working!”

If I’ve lost any weight, I’m all like, “Oh yeah baby! I lost weight, and that means I can reward myself with a snickers bar and McFlurry and nachos today!”

Do you see where this relationship has gotten me? Yup, no where!

So, I’m breaking it off with the cheating bastard. I give and I give and I give, but what do I get? Nothing but tears and disappointment. Seriously, this is an abusive relationship, and I am saying enough is enough.

I just hope I don’t go crawling back asking the scale to take me back.


  1. I have also recently broke up with mine and got into a new relationship - I found when I was home in June I liked my dad's scale better then mine - seemed more accurate if you know what I mean. I don't have a routine - I tend to weigh myself after a #2 - it seems not that disappointing. One problem is now the Wii fit is weighing me - that thing must be broken :)

  2. Broke up with mine years ago. Now it just sits in the bathroom and pines away for me. I still give it a good cursing every once in awhile, though, just for kicks.

    I'm with Susan on the Wii Fit weighing. The b*stard keeps track of the last time I used it and gives me a big helping of attitude if it's been awhile. Not that it knows that in that time I've run over 2 miles and swam over a half mile every d*mn day. There's nothing like being guilted by your own appliances.

  3. I haven't even owned one, well, let's see ... EVER. Since I moved out on my own, it seemed like an unnecessary expense at first and then a bad idea every time after that.

    Women, especially, have too many fluctuations inside of a month. Why do that to yourself? And by "you," I mean "women."

    I just go by how my clothes fit.

  4. Oh did I miss this post? I broke up with my scale when I moved to CA in 2003. I made a conscious decision to not pack that awful awful friend. I weighed myself twice a day, sometimes 3 times a day back in the day. Not pretty and not fun. I was a slave to that beast.

    Meanwhile after the holiday weekend I'm feeling as though if I had that darned scale keeping me in line I wouldn't be feeling like Fatty Patty 2by4, can't get through the dressing room door!