Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Fall of me

Alrightie then, let's see if I can put this into words.

I am ready for fall. Summer provides so much pressure for me. In Chicago, we cram so much into the three months of summer, and it is a lot of work... and GUILT.

When the weather is nice, we are expected to go out and enjoy it. The warm weather leads to
less clothing, sandals, and swimming.

Less clothing: JUST GREAT! I have gained weight and less clothing means less opportunity to hide the bigger butt and abundance of arm flab.

Sandals: OY!! I hate my feet and therefore I don't wear sandals, and it appears I have developed a 'jealousy' of those who can. However, pretty feet or not....flip flops are BAD. They are bad for your feet and, in my humble opinion, do not flatter the legs or your cute summer outfit. one in Paris wears flip flops (and that is how I judge fashion, if they wear it in Paris, then it is A-OK :) ).

Swimsuits: did I mention I have gained weight? My mother has a pool in her backyard. I have two of those "look 10 pounds slimmer" swimsuits (YEAH RIGHT), one has two pieces- a tankini kind of thing, and the other is a one piece. I have gone swimming two times at her home so far this summer. Those slimming swimsuits are hazardous. They are so damn tight, that they wear me out getting in and out of them. The first time, I wore the tankini. After swimming, I went to the bathroom to change my clothes and in the process of removing the tankini, I got stuck. I was trying to get the top half off over my head, and I got stuck. I started to panic. I had to yell for Ignacio to come and help me get out of the torture device (this is not the first time). The second time I went swimming at my mom's house, I wore the one piece. At least the one piece doesn't make me panic, but I do have to take a break mid-way of putting the suit on. It just wears me out. Hey Nat--- just lose weight! Yeah, yeah, easy for you to say.

This summer I have been wearing skirts because my pants are too tight. In order not to have 'chub rub' (inner thighs rubbing together uncomfortably), I wear Ignacio's boxer briefs under my skirts. It's a great relief. Hey Nat-- just lose weight! Yeah, yeah, easy for you to say.

When the weather is nice, if I don't go out and enjoy it, I feel guilty. I welcome a rainy day where I have to stay inside. I can read or knit, and not feel guilty.

The lakefront is filled with happy, healthy people jogging and bike riding in the great weather. I hate them all. Joggers just piss me off. I have trouble running across the street, and here are people running for miles just for the fun of it. Skinny bitches. Yes, I have resulted to calling skinny women 'bitches'. If they are skinny and pretty, they must be bitches, right? They can't have it all, that just wouldn't be fair.

Summer says: you should be outside enjoying the weather and being happy.
I just don't want to. I don't want to feel the pressure of having to be happy. Of having to go outside to take advantage of our short summers.

Fall, please come soon. I want to wear my scarves (to hide my boobs), jackets/blazers (to hide flabby arms and boobs), fuller pants (to hide the hips).

Listen, I could show my ankles all day long. They are hot! But the rest? Meh. Hey Nat-- just lose weight! Yeah, yeah, easy for you to say.

I want to stay inside and read and knit and watch movies. I don't want to feel guilty for doing so.

"Sun, sun, go away, come back another year."

Summer says: be happy! Well, sometimes it's not so easy to be happy.

Let me hibernate. Is there any rain in the forecast? I'm running out of boxer briefs.

1 comment:

  1. Nat, a lot of us feel your pain. I, for one, am just too lazy to exercise - I have no other excuses. And, too lazy to fix myself healthy food or any other food -- carry out for me. Just call me 'tons of fun'!!