Sunday, March 21, 2010

I was showing too much skin

So I ordered these hot new sandals and I kept them for months before I had to do the inevitable and send them back.

The problem?  These sandals were showing entirely too much skin.  I know what you're thinking.  The point of sandals IS to show off a lot of skin.  Yeah but, I have a middle toe the length of a football field.

I've always hated my feet.  But this year, I thought, c'mon Nat, you're 41 years old, get over it, wear sandals for pete's sake.  So, I ordered those sexy sandals and tried them on.  They felt great and looked great.  But that damn middle toe.  It just goes on for days.

I've heard the saying that a long middle toe means you're really smart.  I don't buy it.  That's the same as saying rain on your wedding day is lucky.  Really, what you are saying is:  awww man, you're screwed that it's raining so bad on the day you've been planning for a year, and, MAN, is that toe looonnnngggg and ugly, you freak.

I walk into a room, and my middle toe has already sat down, had a glass of wine, and is eating appetizers.  My middle toe gets to the party way before I do.

It's been almost two years since I've gotten a pedicure.  I always presumed that pedicures make your feet look better.  If you have ugly toes, painting them red is only going to bring attention to the said ugly toes.

I remember growing up and my brother and I would bury our toes in the sand when we went to the beach.  We both hated our feet.  My brother now wears sandals.  He is so 'over it'.  Good for him.  More power to him. 

As for me?  No sandals yet again this year.


  1. You absolutely crack me up -- that was a good one -- LOL! For one thing ... if you wore those sandals, you would be 7' tall! I know, the taller the better. Mom

  2. I don't have a long toe, but I do have hair on each of my toes. So, I get what you're saying. I mean, I look like I have hobbit feet. Ok sure, I could shave. But really - who shaves their toes?

  3. How FUNNY! My sister has those feet too but I'm not sure which one is the long one. She wears sandals

  4. I have said 2nd toe and I got over it a long time ago. My feet also have a bunion, so that is even uglier. I have 5 brother who told me my whole life how ugly my feet were. I got over not wearing sandals by telling my self and others that my face wasn't ugly and I could hide my feet anytime I wanted but they couldn't hide their face.