Monday, September 19, 2011

This shit only happens to me

Every year at work, I get audited by an outside auditor. The audit takes place at our corporate office and because I am offsite, I have to send a lot of documents to the main office. My general manager (we’ll call him Bert) brings all the documents to the main office for my accounting boss (we’ll call him Ernie) to handle and give to the auditors.

There was a big box of documents that needed to be at the main office so the audit could get underway. Bert was going to the main office to deliver the large box, as well as some other envelopes for other peoples at the main office. Because the box was large, Bert put the additional envelopes inside the audit box so it would be easier to carry. When Bert gave the box to Ernie, Bert informed Ernie that there were other envelopes in the box. Ernie was either was too busy or forgot to take the envelopes out. Ernie delivered the entire box to the auditors.

Ernie also runs our office football pool. Since I am offsite, I pay Ernie for the entire season up front. Being the jokester I am I always try to be clever with my football pools; even with sending the money. So, on the envelope that contained the football pool money, I so cleverly wrote: HUSH MONEY.

Let me remind you about the point in the story where I said Ernie forgot to take the envelopes out of the box! The auditors got EVERYTHING in the box, including an envelope labeled HUSH MONEY.

Bert got a call from the auditors saying their big guy needed to talk to him. Ernie and I were shitting our pants. I was so hoping that this story would end up in a hilarious blog entry rather than the unemployment line.

So, this is a hilarious blog entry, right?

I swear this shit only happens to me.


  1. OMG, you know the auditors were crapping themselves and congratulating each other on their "big find". (I used to be an auditor so I know how their minds work.) Hilarious!

  2. I am laughing my *ss off right now. Holy f*cking sh*t, that's awesome. Sorry for the expletives, but a story like this deserves swearing.

  3. That is toooooooo funny!

    801 Laura